A Dream Grieved

Two years ago this month, my husband and I split. I tried to make things work, but his choice was drugs above all and I could not except that or the other women in his life. For over 7 months though, I have not seen him. He's locked up and will be until my children are adults. What I find myself grieving these days is not him, but the dreams that will never be fulfilled. I dreamed I would be able to raise my children, with their biological father. I'm done having kids and he's in jail until they're grown - dream dead. I dreamed that I would raise my children in their own home, with stability and a strong and loving family - that dream will never be fulfilled as I had dreamed it would. While I will finalize my divorce soon, the dreams die with the marriage and there is a sorrow and grief one cannot imagine (unless lived it out themselves), that accompanies such a loss.

But one thing has been a constant theme lately. I cannot move forward holding onto the past. I can't dream new dreams if I continue grieving what once was or what once could have been. My former dreams will never be fulfilled and so I must except that reality and dream new dreams. As Walt Disney would say, "Keep Moving Forward." And as Ian Somerhalder said, "You don't always win, but every time you lose, you get better." Both quotes depend on you making the choice to get better, the choice to move forward.

So, while I may not have new dreams yet, I'm finally ready to lay the old ones to rest. After all, you can't move forward if you're chained to your past.