The Stench

My husband has recently found a new place to live...a place where people allow him to walk in his sin and don't call him to rise out of the bondage. But prior to him finding this new place, he spent a season homeless. Some may disagree with letting your spouse go without a home when it is in your power to change the situation, but when their sinful lifestyle could potentially harm your children, then separation is a must. He has chosen drugs over his family once again. Even when it meant he had to sleep outside in the cold.

He sobered up one day, a while back, and wanted to come visit the kids. I had no idea what was headed my way. Sober, yes, but I knew it was only until he left. But the stench. I couldn't handle it. The smell that was upon him was overpowering and invaded my small home like the US military during battle. I made him take a shower, but his "clean" clothes had the same stench. I couldn't handle it and the visit was cut short. It took quite some time to get that smell out of the house, but it burned a lasting memory.

While my husband was over that day the Lord gave me a very clear and vivid picture of what our sin is like to Him. Oh how my heart aches that drugs are more important to my husband than our children or our relationship. We have been abandoned for a temporary high. A high that is taking him low. And each day that passes breaks my heart all the more. Yet that visit got me thinking...'this must be how the Lord feels when I choose my sin over Him.' The hurt is deep and I am so grieved over my husband's choice, just as the Lord must be when I choose sin over Him, my Beloved. And the stench...what does the stench of my sin smell like to Him? My husband's stench reminded me he was choosing a sinful lifestyle over the one we had committed to living. His stench reminded me of the rejection and reminded me that we were left alone because of his need for a high and I was FURIOUS. I hated that he stunk; it was a physical reminder of what he was choosing.

The Lord wants my heart, completely, and a relationship with me, yet how many times do I put something else before Him. The answer...WAY to often. I have put my job, children, house, house work, friends, sleep and even TV before Him. The items on my list aren't bad...until they are put before the Lord. How many times have I broken His heart by rejecting Him for something else? How many times have I come into His house with the stench of sin?