When it rains, it pours...

Sometimes life kicks you when you're down...again...and again...and again. It's been over a year since my husband and I separated and last week was pure hell. My van was stolen, one of my children disclosed sex abuse, I had to find a new daycare, I got hit with a garnishment, my husband relapsed and disappeared...

I find myself asking, "why?" and "what good could POSSIBLY come from this!" It feels like every time I start to find my footing, life drop kicks me and keeps on kicking. And I'm tired. I'm tired of tasting the bad. I'm tired of hoping things are going to get better. Could it be worse? Yes. I've learned it can ALWAYS be worse. But that doesn't make it suck any less.

Psalm 27:13 says, "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."

Lately, my faith has been devoured and is nothing more than that of a mustard seed, a mustard seed that is rapidly wilting. I have spent most of my life believing that I would see the goodness of the LORD in this life. And have I? Yes. Yet it seems that for every ounce of goodness I see, there is tons of evil and despair poured out. It doesn't add up. And the weight is crushing. I am lost in the darkness of this never ending night. Praying for strength and reprieve from the constant attack of trials. I am weary. And I long for rest.

Lord, my soul is dried up. It thirsts so greatly that it no longer feels the thirst. Yet desperate for Your living water it is. Weary am I. In this life their are trials, many and great. You have overcome this life. Help me do the same. Slay my enemies. Lead me beside still waters. Grant my soul rest. Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.