The Desert of My Heart

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied" - Mt. 5:6

That verse came up today at church, along with a question that was along the lines of, "what have you been thirsting for this week?"

My answer showed my heart's state. I didn't thirst for Him, I didn't thirst for any one or anything. What I was thirsting for was a clean house (I live with 2 boys that could be nicknamed Taz at times; though it's clean one minute it ain't the next). I stopped and thought about why that was so important this week. The answer? It wasn't even the clean house I was striving for. I was striving and thirsting for that peaceful feeling that comes when the house is clean and you can truly relax because there is nothing left to do. I wanted peace. Peace is what I had been striving for all week.

Yet, never once did I spend time at His feet. Sure I prayed, but that was me talking at Him. I never quieted myself before Him. I didn't sit at His feet. I didn't still myself before Him. Why? Because with all that has happened, my trust has been shaken. But did God change? No. Just my perception of Him. I started looking at Him through my circumstances, instead of looking at my circumstances through His eyes. I have let my circumstances become my focus and as a result, my heart has become a desert.

Several years ago God kept giving me this verse:

"Behold, I will do something new, now  it shall spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert" -Is 43:19

That verse has been a promise of mine for years. Then, this year, on January 1st, the verse to kick off the year in my calendar turned out to be Is. 43:19. God had my attention. Weeks later I was going through some paperwork and came across an index card my ex-husband had written on. It was Is. 43:18-19:

18: "Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past"

19: "Behold, I will do something new,
Now it shall spring forth; Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert"

All these years, even though Isaiah is one of my favorite books of the bible, the 18th verse had been lost on me, until this year. I love God's timing! And I love that 18th verse. God is telling me to not think about or dwell on my past. But instead I am to behold, in other words, pay attention, look and see because He WILL do something new! God's telling me to let go of my past so I can behold my future. And He will make a road where there is no road. He will bring streams of His living water to the desert of my soul. All I have to do is look.

The thing about looking to Jesus is it begins to make you thirst for more of Him... the only place I am truly satisfied.

Thank you Lord for washing me with your word and renewing my thirst.  May I continue to seek You as long as I have breath.